Active Listening – What if you could be at Level 5?

“Are you listening to me?” After a slight pause I respond with a hesitant “Yea, of course I am”. My wife then takes the pin straight out of the hand grenade and hits me with, “What did I just say then?” I try desperately to put the words I think I’ve just heard into a logical sentence that would get me out of jail, but sadly for me, I fail miserably!

One of the main culprits of a communication breakdown is when one, or both parties simply don’t listen properly. You may feel as though you are listening intently, but it’s all about perception.  In my example above, I thought I’d done all the right things – I nodded and I even made random noises to demonstrate I was listening but something told my wife I still wasn’t listening properly.  Maybe it was the fact that I was playing with my phone or watching Sky Sports that proved to be the final nail in my coffin!

Where do you sit on the Listening Ladder?…

5 – Empathetic

4 – Attentive

3 – Selective

2 – Pretend

1 – Ignore

The PU View

If the perception of others is that you are at 3, 2, or 1 then there’s a good chance that communication will break down.  People’s perception of you will be that you are rude, bad mannered and in some cases, even ignorant.  Not great traits to have if you are trying to build solid relationships.

To be at 4 and 5 you need to treat the individual with respect and give them the ‘VIP Active Listening’ treatment –

• Listen intently to what they have to say, picking up on key words/phrases and more subtle clues like their body language, tone and manner.
• Acknowledge responses, ask relevant, open and probing questions.
• Put your phone away! Give them your undivided attention, with full eye contact.
• If needed, go somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed or become preoccupied.
• Use gestures and positive affirmations (-such as nods, appropriate facial expressions etc.) to show you’re giving them your full concentration.

Despite the fact that this isn’t that hard, it’s surprising how many of us still go on ‘auto-pilot’ and assume that it’s okay to just select the bits we want to, or can be bothered listening to.

Book Recommendation

A great book for improving your listening skills is

Active Listening: Improve Your Conversation Skills, Learn Effective Communication  by Joseph Sorenson.  It includes 6 essential guidelines that you can follow to improve your overall communication skills.

C’mon, trust me – I’m your manager

Tom trusted his team implicitly. In his eyes, he always ‘watched their backs’ and defended them whenever his team faced criticism. He empowered them and only micro managed when he felt it was absolutely necessary. He delegated appropriately and kept the team up to date with what direction the business was going in. All in all, Tom was happy with how he managed his team. Tom’s team didn’t trust him as far as they could throw him. They always felt that he was on their backs, watching their every move, waiting for them to trip up and make a mistake. In their eyes, he always micro managed them and they hated it. They wanted to be left alone to do their jobs but there was no chance of that with ‘Peeping Tom’ hanging around. They also felt that he was quite secretive. He hardly ever updated them about company matters even though there had been rumours of a takeover. He also had an annoying habit of taking credit for other peoples work. As a consequence, there was disharmony in the team, a lack of morale, productivity was down and quite significantly, there was zero trust.

Trust can be measured across 5 levels…

Level 1. Total Trust – If you’re going into battle, I’m coming with you

Level 2. Social Contract – We have a mutual connection – This can be created through commonalities, personality, or just a mutual respect for how you both work

Level 3. Quid Pro Quo – You do something for me and I’ll do something for you

Level 4. Deception – Trust is now on the slide. I see you through a different set of eyes

Level 5. Revenge – I will get my own back on you

Tom would probably put his team at level 1, 2 or 3. Sadly for him though his team would place him at level 4 or even 5.

Thankfully a colleague told Tom about the gap in trust and Tom worked hard in the proceeding months to rebuild it. If it hadn’t come to light the gap would have got bigger and bigger, to the detriment of everyone and of course to the business.

What level of trust are your team at? Where would they place you? Once you have identified this you can then proactively put a plan in place to improve the relationships in your team.

Do you need a hand helping your managers to improve the levels of trust in their teams? Why not get in touch to see how we can help.